Posted by: powellpjc | January 15, 2009

Enough, already.

 

 

                                      It might look cold, and it is. If hell is cold, this is hell.

My car is complaining, I am complaining and why the hell not?  -34C and windy?  It’s about a hundred below, easy.

It has been a tough week. Poor, or no sleep, with my mind racing– continually checking off things that need to be done.  Saving and storing the things I’m just too guilty to throw out. Returning modems I thought I owned; boxing up pots and pans I want to keep for the boat; tossing more clothes; an endless list of petty details and a constant worry that I will forget something important. Which means I almost certainly will.

I’ve given away two computers and stored a third (a dedicated super-fast music recording one) which means I’ve been trying to transfer all important things to my laptop. Pictures, writings, phone numbers, addresses. I think I’ve got most of it and I’m positive I’ve left out some. Shit.

The car has balked a few times when starting. Could be a fuel pump. Could be gas line freezing. And worst of all, it could be an electrical gremlin, intermittent and undiagnosible until complete failure. When one is contemplating a 1400 km drive in the middle of January — dark and very, very cold — one pauses when one’s car balks. I spoke to the car schmoes but they admitted it would be difficult to figure out and if it were the usual things they wouldn’t have the parts for a week. Since I’m leaving tomorrow it was cold comfort. I poured in enough gas line antifreeze to blind my neighbourhood and I’ll take a chance with the TransCanada in January. Shit.

When I leave tomorrow there will be no turning back. Practice gone. Home gone. Piano gone. Motorcycle gone. Clothes (most) gone. Climbing boots gone. Paddles gone. Not much to show for a life.

Don’t feel sorry for me. I know that when I fire up the car (if it will fire) tomorrow morning, my sleepless nights will a thing of the past. What is done, is done and:

‘no regrets, no tears goodbye’

as Emmylou Harris sang.

There will be sleepless nights tomorrow but they don’t warrant effort today.

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